


I broke apart my insides ( help me)

by MsSunfire



Series: Brick by boring brick [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Love, Sorry Not Sorry, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:13:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3675270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsSunfire/pseuds/MsSunfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first it was just a rush of reality, like a fog was lifted from her brain. Everything was so clear and focused, sharp. Her heart pounded in her chest and her throat burned for water. It was euphoric, nothing could stop her from chasing her dreams. She was smart, beautiful, and so very talented. It was the most amazing trip down the rabbit hole. </p><p>She had a problem. She was an addict, and her soul mate just walked out on her. She needed help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I broke apart my insides ( help me)

Its seemingly innocent on how its starts. It starts with a pill. One little innocent blue pill.

They say it helps you concentrate, focus on things that are important. Help your grades, your tests score, make you happy. It look so small and harmless, just a oval capsule filled with beads of release. To Darcy it was just like taking a breath of fresh air. The first one was free from a friend in class. Darcy just failed a test and was at wits end from studying so much. It hurt to put effort into something that just flopped. So Amy from class, handed her the pill after class, said "Try it, it will change you life"

Darcy was skeptic. She wasn’t dumb or inexperienced with drugs, sure she smoked the occasional joint, got drunk at parties, and tested a for X's to pass the time. It was just something scary about trying something you never knew about, but apparently every one in college takes it. So like a trooper she down the pill, and went on with her day. Its wasn’t what she thought, most pills take more then one to make a difference, like an antibiotic, or a depression medication usually takes a month to get in your system.

Darcy didn’t watch the clock to see how long it too, but it had to be less then an hour before she felt it. And GOD, did she feel it. At first it was just a rush of reality, like a fog was lifted from her brain. Everything was so clear and focused, sharp. Her heart pounded in her chest and her throat burned for water. It was euphoric, nothing could stop her from chasing her dreams. She was smart, beautiful, and so very talented. It was the most amazing trip down the rabbit hole. That night Darcy, wrote a twelve page paper on the differences of government in the middle ages, managed to fold all her laundry and clean her floor, twice. This the magic pill to do anything in her mind. The next day she bought 30 off of Amy in class.

There was so side effect that sucked, like always being thirsty, constant talking ( like she didn’t have the problem before) and she almost never slept nor was she hungry . But the up so so much better, she got on honors, got all her work done on time, and was constantly happy. After buying a couple of times off Amy and running out of her saving she marched down to the college clinic and broke down to doctor how bad her ADHD was and walked out with a scrip of her very own blue pills.

It was heaven.

Darcy went on with life content and focused, bushing through school with honors and being a hype of the party. Only thing she needed now was the person with words etched on her skin and life would be perfect. Life was amazing. Funny how some seemingly little blue pill could destroy your life. Darcy didn’t notice how one pill become two, then three a day, and soon she was out for the month and she panicked when back said the pill wasn’t working got the dose raised up. Then again and again and again.

The down was horrible.

Its felt like her skull was going to explode, like the back of her head had constant pressure, her hands started to shake so bad after coming down off the buzz of her little blue pills. She couldn’t function without it and that became her world. She started working more hours, missing class, just to make money to buy more then her prescription. Its was an endless cycle. She missed her chances at her internship for choice and got stuck with Jane.

It wasn’t so bad.

She really liked Jane and the chance to go with her to New Mexico. It just wasn’t her field of choice, but it was her credits to graduate. Life was more or less stable now, take your pill ( or pills), put on a smile, work through your day. Take a Pill, finish up work, take a pill, enjoy your night. Jane and Erik never noticed, or the suits when they came. its wasn’t like it was illegal to have a prescription for it. Just abuse it, like she was. Just slip into the bathroom pop the pill when no one was looking and move on with life. Easy as Pie.

Clint....

It Hard to say if he changed anything or not. Sure she still took her pills, but it was like she needed them less. Life was now, perfect in Darcy's eyes, she was happy, productive and she had her soulmate. Nothing could change that. No even a little blue pill...or so she thought. Being with Clint for Darcy was like breathing air.

It was just how you lived.

That first night they went out he got her like completely understood her crazy world inside her. Laughed at her awkward obscene jokes, and made the hole in her chest filled with warmth. It was hard at first to hide the pills from him, sniper boy didn’t miss much but she brushed it off and told him her problem with ADHD and the conversation was over.

Then he noticed how much she was taking.

_"Darce, look babe, you shouldn't be taking that much, its not good for you, talk to a Doc or something?"_

_"What the fuck Barton? Its not like I am addicted or anything? I just need more because I am used to it. Its not like its heroin or anything. I have a prescription" Darcy crossed her arms and glared at him. She didn't have a problem, She didn't. It was perfectly normal._

_Clint sighed and pulled Darcy to him, brushing a small kiss to her forehead. " I just want to make sure your okay? Please just thinking about cutting back and see how you feel_ , Okay?"

_"OKay you big thug, I promise I won't go all breaking bad on you. Its not a big deal I don't really need them that much anymore anyway" Darcy smiled into his lips and slipped her hands down his backside, causing Clint to groan. "Besides I think I have an addiction to the cute but of yours anyway, Mister. Wanna take a ride in my bed with me"_

_"You are going to be the death of me one day Darcy Lewis, and it and it will be glorious." Clint lifted her up into his arms and carried her to the other side of the room and flung her on the bed._

Clint let it go after that for a while, anyway. The three months of his station at New Mexico, she got better at hiding her pill taking from him, Clint didn’t focus on it too much if she did need just ONE extra. It was everything she could ask for in life.

Life fucking sucks.

_"Darcy you have to get fucking help, you are addicted to them, you don’t even have ADHD, why would you even lie to me about that. Seriously, you need to get help from a professional. Look weed I can deal with, taking a pill every now and then sure. Come one babe, I even do that after a mission, but you cant function for one day with out them. That’s not fucking right, your going to kill your self." Clint was livid. Darcy could see it in his eyes. " I think what hurts the most is that you lied to my fucking face and I only found out because you were texting you fucking dealer. Darcy you have a fucking dealer, that is a sign your self you have a problem."_

_Darcy watched from her bed in silence as Clint yelled and ranted packing his duffle for his mission. She didn't have a problem. She was fine. The words ran in her head over and over._

_"Darcy are you going to say anything at all? or just sit there?" Clint growled in frustration, zipped his bag up and stormed out the room of the trailer. Turning back he looked her over one last time and huffed. " Look I have to leave for this mission, I think we need some space just to think this over. Please just don't take anymore pills. I love you Darcy Lewis. I will call you when I get to Base."_

_She watched him walk out the door, heard the car drive off before she collapsed into herself and cried._

She had a problem. She was an addict, and her soulmate just walked out on her. She needed help.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second installment met to my drug addiction/overdose Clint and Darcy series. Next one will be in present time or about Clint absence . I just wanted to build some background to how the has effected them. So I am asking for what would you like to here next More about clint and his disappearance, Darcy getting help, or what happens right after the first fic? (which will be the present time fic) Thought comments concerns? 
> 
> The drug brought attention in the story is Adderal, I take it myself for ADHD. It sounds like an amazing drug and it can be when taken right for the right reasons. It is highly abused by college students for cramming for finals and studying. Its not okay to abuse this drug. Its literally legal speed. Please if you abuse this drug get help. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr  
> http://mssunfire.tumblr.com/
> 
> Oh and I wanna give an awesome thanks to pepper for some awesome ideas and for encouraging me.  
> ( Sorry I am horrible about emailing back blame nursing school)


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